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tastefullyoffensive:

[via imgur]

What’s the most dad thing your dad has ever done?

I was called “the expert in all things JT” today. So…there’s that.

Now give me my tickets JT/universe/MasterCard/Live Nation/secret admirer/millionaire who’s feeling generous.

dynastylnoire:

degenderate:

rememberwhenyoutried:

ralphspoilsportmotors:

pansysky:

spookytox:

reaill:

grimfemme:

I just wanted to eat breakfast ;(

welp now we know the distinction between the two

Have….have people…not eaten shredded wheat before? The regular sized ones?

You put it in a bowl and pour milk on it (with sugar + cinnamon if you’re not some lunatic fiber satan who just wants to eat wheat strings) and let it soak a bit before breaking it up and eating bite sized portions with your spoon.

DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW THIS?!

NONE OF US KNEW THAT

I think Weetabix are kind of this also?

Weetabix are the best. You get four out, stack them crosswise, add milk and honey or sugar, and blast them in the microwave. You end up with a sort of brown fibre soup. Perf.

i told my boyfriend about this once, because my father used to eat these, and he literally did not believe me and tried to convince me it was just a weird dream

y’all about to be pooping forever

Jesus will have come back and you will raptured mid push

trillaryclinton:

yokes93:

😍

i stan for their relationship. i really do.

trillaryclinton:

yokes93:

😍

i stan for their relationship. i really do.

abc-revenge:

This moment. #Revenge

abc-revenge:

This moment. #Revenge

blackfashion:

Pants and top: Loft, Shoes: BCBG
Shandrese, http://sincerelyrenay.blogspot.com

blackfashion:

Pants and top: Loft, Shoes: BCBG

Shandrese, http://sincerelyrenay.blogspot.com

prettyboyshyflizzy:

basedlordjesus:

Why they do Drake like that lmaoooo

dead and goneeeee

you tell crazy stories but has a woman ever tried to kill you ?
Anonymous

prettyboyshyflizzy:

jimmbbo:

perfect-melodies-filthy-wubs:

prettyboyshyflizzy:

This one girl accused me of cheating for having female friends (which i wasnt fucking or flirting with but was just cool friends I dont wanna talk to a bunch of niggas all day i need a female perspective on things) she was screaming at me for 20 mins straight

i dont argue back cause im laid back im just like mhmmm mhmmm looking in my phone checking sports scores and on twitter … so at one point she says “was the pussy atleast good my nigga?” i was like “mmhmm that shit was nice and tight”  all of a sudden i heard silence i look up shes like

image

*this is the moment where i knew i fucked up*

just looks at me like that for like 20 seconds “im like bae im just playing.. im just playing…”  she runs to the kitchen… and starts going in the drawers “im like shawty u needa chill”   im like “im just playing”

she pulls something out all i see was the light beam reflect off it

i get a good look i see this in her hand

im in the couch like

she starts running towards me so i open the door step outside then shut the door from the outside and use all my body weight to hold onto the door knob, She used to run track in highschool so i think she gon catch me so im like nah im not even gon run and get stabbed in the spine

she pulling tryna open it lol im in a project type building on the 12th floor man I was standing there for 43 mins shorty aint have an ounce of quit in her. People walking by laughing hearing her screaming at me

some middle aged lady walked by she was like 50 she was like “mmmmhmmm she caught your ass didnt she”

im like “ma’am help my arms tired”

she was like ahaaa nope “call that bitch you was fucking for help”  and walked into her apt

then shorties mom came out the elevator i was like thank god.. she was like oh lord what u do.. i was like “nothingg ma’am she got a knife i swear i did nothing ” her mom was like “kita put the damn knife down im coming in if u stab me imma beat your ass” i feel the pressure get off the door and i make a run for it i see her try to come chase me but her mom blocks her Im sure i coulda beat usain bolt in a race the way i was running

she was really gon stab me, If her moms aint come i woulda still been standing there holding the door to this day

i’ve never re-blogged something so quick in my life. 

I fuckin love tumblr stories

damn man classics back on the dash

stimutax:

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